G.R.O.S.S. and the New Girl
by Tashlan
Summary: A new girl in Calvin's neighborhood. Suggestions, please... Chapter 10's now up.
1. The Meeting

Hobbes awoke in the middle of a hot summer day. The birds were singing, the bees were   
collecting their pollen, a short trail of ants walked one by one into their tiny hole. Judging by   
the sun, it was a short while before noon. He was under the big tree in the front, it was nowhere   
close to lunch time, and he was awake. This could mean only one thing.  
"I repeat! All members of G.R.O.S.S. are to report to the clubhouse immediately! Failure to   
do so could result in loss of rank, or expulsion from the club!"  
Hobbes grudgingly got up from his favorite napping place, donned his official honorary   
President and First Tiger hat, and climbed the rope ladder to G.R.O.S.S. top-secret headquarters.  
"This emergency meeting of the Get Rid of Slimy girlS club will come to order!   
Dictator-For-Life Calvin Presiding!" began their noble and honored leader. "Due to the urgency of   
this meeting, we will skip the club song and the reading of the minutes, and continue straight on to  
the business at hand."  
"What?!" President Hobbes replied, obviously rather disgruntled. "We can't skip the song!   
It's symbolic of all the club stands for, and must be sung to improve club morale!"  
"Yes, mister president, but because of the enormosity of the situation at hand, it is   
clearly written in the club charter that the singing of the song will be postponed until the end of  
the meeting. Any further outbursts will be met with demerits in the club log book.  
"Now then, G.R.O.S.S. members, it seems that we are in a time of great peril. As I'm sure   
some of you are aware, there are new neighbors moving into the neighborhood this afternoon, and one   
of them is an alleged girl, age seven! Not only that, but reports from top scout Calvin suggest that   
she is a close friend of the club's most hated adversary, Susie Dirkins!  
"But do not dispair, my people, for though this is a most feared tragedy, a ray of hope   
still shines! If all goes according to plan, we should be able to launch an attack by noon   
tomorrow. The first order of business is to select one volenteer to accompany our top scout Calvin   
in spying on this new family as they move in.  
Hobbes immediately answered the call of duty and raised his hand in response to the request.   
At this rate, they'd never sing the song. 


	2. The Mission

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
"First Tiger Hobbes, mark into the club logbook that the new neighbors' arrival occured at  
1:30 P.M., twenty-five minutes after the movers arrived." whispered Calvin, Supreme   
Dictator-For-Life and top scout of G.R.O.S.S. from behind the hedge.  
"Yes, sir. All marked sir." Hobbes replied, peeking over to get a glimpse of their new   
neighbors. He saw a hispanic couple get out of the car, they looked about the same age as Calvin's   
parents, followed by a rather old woman, who was clutching tightly to her purse and looking around   
herself, taking the neighborhood in. But there was no little girl. "Sir, are you sure these are the   
right people? There aren't any other new neighbors moving in"?  
"No, Hobbes, these are the ones..." But he wasn't quite so sure himself. Where was the enemy?   
She had to be around here somewhere. Once again, he surveyed the area. Trucks. Boxes. A sofa being   
carried in the house. An old lady. A man and a woman looking at their new home. A stray kitten   
leering at the scene. But where was the new adversary? He looked around to make sure she wasn't   
plotting a sneak attack. Where was she?!  
Eventually, he and Hobbes decided it would be best to scout the entire neighborhood. They   
started at Calvin's house and slowly made their way from tree to bush to house on the left side of   
the block. Still no sign of her. They backtrailed and made similar progress on the right side,   
stopping at Susie's house and peeking in through the window to look for their unnamed foe. Still   
nothing. Finally, with some disappointment, they decided it was time to head home. Perhaps Calvin's   
parents had misheard when they were talking to Mrs. Dirkins. Oh well. They could still launch an   
attack on Susie.  
Before they entered the house, they heard the sound of grown-ups pretending to have fun.   
Calvin metally prepared himself for a painfully long afternooon of cheek-pinching relatives he'd   
never met before. Probably an Aunt Sally or great-uncle Jim who could magically procure coins from   
his ear. he remembered the time his dad did that. Hobbes shook him all day long and they still   
never found any more.  
Walking in, he was immediately addressed by his mom. "There you are, Calvin! Come on in   
here and meet your new neighbors!"  
Wait a second... They were here?! 


	3. The Motion

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
Calvin panicked. Somehow, the enemy and her entire family had already infiltrated his very home.   
He had to do something. He needed some time to think. Maybe Hobbes would have an idea. He quickly   
muttered that he was feeling sick and darted to his room, draging Hobbes behind him. Slamming the   
door, he got down to business.  
"Okay, First Tiger, you know the situation. We are in a state of red alert! The enemy's in   
and we still don't even know what she looks like! This may well be the saddest day in G.R.O.S.S.   
history. We are desperately in need of some help here! what can we do?!"  
"Well, sir, so far as I see it, we're more or less stuck. Either you continue to fake sick   
or we'll just have to go on down and lose the advantage of surprise. Even if we do, however how   
could this possibly affect us? After all, she's currently surrounded by grown-ups, and she still   
knows nothing about us! So far as I can see, we're still in the clear. Of course, we can't allow   
this sort of thing go on. You're a personnal witness to how bad it is for club morale. My   
suggestion is that we wait until tomorrow, and launch a sneak attack like you wouldn't believe! We   
have the entire remainder of the day to fill balloons, and it would be an excellent morale boost to   
barrage her on her second day in the neighborhood."  
"President Hobbes, you're brilliant! Upon the next meeting, you are to be awarded a medal   
of genius for cool headedness in the face of crisis! Now then, on to the the current problem. It   
would seem rather an act of cowardice, were I, supreme leader of Get Rid Of Slimy girlS, to remain   
in bed at a time like this! No, I say we greet our new nemesis and get a good look at her! You stay   
here, Mr. President. This is a matter of utmost secrecy. Top Scout Calvin is to go alone, his   
chappeau of office gone to hide his identity." Calvin removed his hat and stuck out a hand to   
Hobbes. "Goodbye, mister President. It has been an honor working with you." With a final call of   
"Viva G.R.O.S.S.!" the brave scout made his way through the door and downstairs.  
  
  
A/N PLEASE R&R! A little advice about what to do with the new girl would really be appreciated!  
-P.M.K. 


	4. The Melancholy

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
Down a narrow flight, Calvin looked around slowly. He wanted nothing less than to catch his new   
neighbors without his parents present. If he did, he'd have to speak, and that alone would be pure   
torture. This way he'd just have to listen to him mom talk for him.   
He slowly sidled into the family room, standing in silence and staring at the floor until his   
mother caught the neighbors looking at him and turned.  
"Well, there he is! Scott, Deborah, I'd like you to meet my son Calvin."  
Wait a moment... only two names? He looked up to see only the young couple who had gotten out of   
the car earlier. Where was the old woman? And where was the enemy?!  
"Well, it's good to meet you, Calvin! We've heard alot about you." The woman said through teeth   
gritted into a false smile that only grown-ups can make. "I'm Mrs. Garringsburg, and this is my   
husband. Have you met our daughter Gina yet today?" Calvin shook his head 'no'. "I'm afraid she   
couldn't come with us, she had alot to unpack. She's about your age, Calvin."   
Calvin nodded at regular intervals during the next several minutes, all the time thinking 'She   
isn't here. She's not. She never even came in!'  
"Oh, dear, look at the time! We really must be getting home. Scott's starting his new job tomorrow   
and I've got quite alot of work to do myself. It was good to meet you, Mrs.--" A fire signal   
starts nearby and we miss the next word. "It was nice meeting you, too, Calvin."  
Scott Garringsburg blinked, his face coming suddenly alive at the mention of leaving. A few   
handshakes and he was gone into the night.  
  
A/N In case you didn't realize it, I'm going to keep putting off Gina's introduction until I get a   
few suggestions on how she should be. -P.M.K. 


	5. The Marauder

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
Calvin hurriedly hauled up the third bucket of water balloons up the pulley to G.R.O.S.S.   
headquarters. It had been a long, hard evening of filling and tying, filling and tying, but soon it   
would all pay off. Half the night he lay awake, listening to the calming sounds of tiger breath and   
imagining the moment he'd be able to use these balloons.  
At twenty after ten, First Tiger Hobbes had filled the final bucket. Calvin then let down   
the rope ladder allowed his friend entry. It was time to review the facts, to make sure they were   
ready to begin the attack.  
"Mister President, has secretary Calvin briefed you on the mission ahead of you?"  
"Yes, sir. I'm fully aware of my responsibilities as a G.R.O.S.S. officer, and am prepared   
to do my presidential duty. The maps have been drawn, and the scouting mission has revealed the   
location of the enemy. The weapons have been docked and we are finally ready to proceed with the   
plan as soon as you give the order, sir."  
"Very well, then. President Hobbes, if you would take up the field supplies, General Calvin   
will soon be down to join you."  
Hobbes hurried down the rope ladder with three of the fullest balloons. He knew the plan   
and he knew there was no chance of failure on this particular mission. He simply had to carry the   
"field supplies" over to the bush near the Derkins' residence. Nothing in his mission could   
possibly go wrong. It was the general he was worried about. Oh, well... He walked over to said   
bush, laid down the balloons and hid himself.  
A few minutes later, getting no distress signal from the officer in charge, general Calvin   
ran as fast as he could to the base. Finding the supplies left by his commanding officer, he jumped   
across a patch of grass into enemy territory. Surveying his surroundings, he saw only one of his   
enemies playing in the grass. Susie was alone in he yard, except of course for Mr. Bun. He missed   
her again! Well, that wasn't going to be a problem. He still had everything he needed for a major   
attack. He slowly and carefully snuck up until he was right behind her, gripped the first balloon,   
paused a moment for dramatic emphasis, and let it fly!  
In a matter of seconds, Susie was up in arms, screaming and chasing the proud general. The   
plan was going smooth as silk. With the exception of a minor flaw in the number of adversaries,   
this mission could not have possibly gone any better! Not pausing for a second, he tossed the other   
two water balloons, and, hearing that final triumphant splash, he finally reached the entrance to   
G.R.O.S.S. HQ. Taking a quick glance behind him to make sure she was still far behind, he climbed   
up the rope just as fast as you like, starting to pull it up behind him halfway up. This was it!   
He finally made it! Susie was in for the surprise of her life once he got up there! Grabbing the   
ledge, the highest general of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS club pulled himself up, assured of a place   
in G.R.O.S.S. history!  
  
Calvin, a six-year-old prodigy of the United States, only had one short glance at his new neighbor   
and nemesis, Gina Garringsburg, before being barraged by dozens of his own water balloons.  
  
A/N: Rewiew Guy- I'd love to take your advice, as your fics kick (This is still G) but I'm afraid I   
don't know what a Mary Sue is. Hope this isn't one...-P.M.K. 


	6. The Moping

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
"WHA- ACKTHPTH! WOAH---OOF!" Calvin fell full on his back down the ladder into his yard. He was   
mostly unharmed, but this is just not the sort of situation he wanted to get into. What the blue   
blazes is going on here?! Who was that girl?! What's my hand doing way over there on the ground?!   
And why on earth do those big, round, red clouds look like they're getting bigger?!  
Soon, weak, defeated and very wet, General Calvin rose from the ground. How could this happen?! He   
was so close! They must have seen him preparing the balloons. It was the only explanation. He could   
still see Susie's face, that mocking grin was going to haunt his sleep for weeks to come. Somehow,   
he had to get back at them. One way or another, that new girl was going down.  
Slowly, at the same pace Napoleon left Waterloo, an honored G.R.O.S.S. veteran marched back to   
where his leader was waiting to hear of a glorious victory, knowing all the while that he'd never   
live this down.  
Seeing the brave general returning from battle, Hobbes tried as hard as he could to hold back his   
laughter. He knew it wouldn't work all along. There was just NO WAY Calvin could pull it off.   
Solemn-faced over a body screaming with laughter, the stuffed tiger didn't say a word as Calvin   
carried him back to the tree house.  
Calvin, finding the hat that fell from his head when he fell, assumed the Dictator-for-Life trot,   
walked slowly around his inanimate friend.  
"So, 'A sneak attack', eh? 'We have all night to fill balloons', eh? Twelve demerits for leading   
the club into it's most humiliating defeat! ...And gimmie back that medal!"  
  
A/N: Oh sweet Kung-Fu Jesus action figure with ninja of Nazareth death grip! That's a Mary Sue?!   
Well, don't worry, Review Guy. This is Calvin and Hobbes, not Leave it to Beaver! 


	7. The Mention

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
Calvin had been living in the same neighborhood as this Gina girl for three days now. It seemed to   
him that if G.R.O.S.S. didn't retaliate soon, that annoying litte brat would think she won already.   
Hobbes had been sent out to watch her with the keen eyes of a killer feline ever since the last   
club meeting. Apparently, she'd spent much of her time laughing with Susie. This was the most   
humiliating thing that could happen to a six-year-old.  
  
But for now, he was not just any six-year-old. He was the Supreme Dictator-For-Life of Get Rid Of   
Slimy girlS! He had certain duties to uphold, and one of them was to keep his cool in just this   
sort of situation. He needed a new plan. G.R.O.S.S. needed a new plan. And he was the only one who   
could provide it.  
  
"...And hail Calvin, too!" Hobbes finished the song, well aware that Calvin had stopped singing   
half way through. He wasn't going to press the matter, though. He knew his friend and leader had   
alot to ponder for the moment. Instead, he began to read the minutes from the last meeting. "Ten   
forty-two A.M.: General Calvin regains full consciousness. Ten forty-five A.M.: General Calvin   
threatens his senior officer, President Hobbes, for having woken him through aquatherapy. Ten   
forty-seven A.M.: President Hobbes carefully ceases a riot amid the ranks, caused by group defeat   
at the hands of the enemy. Ten fifty A.M.: General Calvin regains consciousness again. Ten   
fifty-two A.M.: Dictator-For-Life Calvin, to the mass "boo"ing of the entire club, unfairly gives   
President Hobbes twelve unprovoked demerits, assumedly taking out his anger at the enemy. Ten   
fifty-five A.M.: President Hobbes reads the minutes from the previous meeting, club morale is low,   
possibly because of a further lack of anthem-singing. Eleven A.M..." Calvin had that look again. If   
this was not a good reason to stop talking in itself, then the fact that no fights had started over   
the reading of the minutes certainly was.  
  
"Mr. President? I think I have a plan. All G.R.O.S.S. members of lower rank than president are   
dismissed. But know, all of you, that we will soon have our revenge against our new foe." The   
Dictator broke up the meeting early. He didn't want to tell anyone until he was sure, but he   
suspected there may be a leak within G.R.O.S.S. headquarters that tipped those two girls off. He   
turned to his trusted companion.  
  
"Hobbes. I really have a great idea! Here's what we do..."  
  
  
  
A/N: Ok, this might be a bad idea, and I'm sure everyone's guessed it already, but he HAS got a   
plan. 


	8. The Movement

I don't own anything but the new neighbors. Oh well.  
  
Hobbes closed his eyes and sighed deeply. This whole thing was insane. He knew it couldn't work.   
He knew it. But, of course, he was dealing with a superior officer here, and because of recent   
scandals, he opted not to cause a problem.  
  
"Ok, fine... this actually might just work. I suppose. But I still say we should at least get to   
know her first. This seems a tad bit excessive for a first encounter, sir." He finally replied to   
the six-year-old voice of authority.  
  
"We will do no such thing! She's already been living on our block for days now! We have to do   
something! And anyway, her sneaky little attack is already causing problems within the ranks! She   
has to be put in her place now, or we may never be able to regain our honor! This is serious   
Hobbes, and desperate times call for desperate measures. We execute the plan tomorrow."  
  
"Well, okay... But are you sure he'll show up?" Hobbes asked, although he knew the answer. It was   
just what he was expected to say.  
  
"Oh, he'll be there, alright. You can trust me on that, Mr. President."  
  
"Ok, fine. For now, let's just get some sleep. I'm sure this will look better to me in the morning."  
  
"Right! At noon tomorrow, Stupendous Man strikes!!"  
  
A/N: Yes, it's short. Yes, it's a teaser. Yes, it's sort of a cop-out, bringing Stupendous Man in.   
And no, I don't know what'll happen next. just wait. 


	9. The Moron (me)

"No, Hobbes! Come on, say it! Please?" Calvin's complaining was really getting to the tiger.  
  
"Ok, fine, I'll say it! Just, go over there or something, ok? Sheesh..." Calvin brightened up and   
ran around the corner while his friend, rolling his eyes looked up into the sky from the backyard.  
  
"Well, sir, it's 11:45 and I don't see him." Hobbes moaned, invoking his best sarcasm. "Are you   
sure he'll show up?" He then looked around in every direction. "Sir? Calvin? Why, wherever could he   
be?"  
  
Suddenly, a crimson streak hurried from the side of the house. It would have been much more   
impressive if the mighty Stupendous Man (Destroyer of injustice and all that stuff) hadn't tripped   
and fallen halfway to the tree. He did get up though, and he continued running on short legs toward   
the First Tiger of G.R.O.S.S.   
  
"Sorry I'm late, mister president! I had to liberate some cookies from the clutches of the   
tyrannical Mom-Lady!"  
  
"Oh. brother..." Hobbes muttered under his breath. This was one thing even he found embarassing   
about his friend. "Well, It's good to finally make your aquaintance, Stupendous Man. Those are some   
nice tights."  
  
"What? I'm not wearing tights!"  
  
"You aren't? I thought they were a little big for you... What kind of super hero doesn't wear   
tights, anyway?!"  
  
Calvin deflated a bit. "Come on Hobbes... please?"  
  
"Oh, all right..." Hobbes cleared his throat. "Say, Mr. Stupendous Man, you didn't by any chance   
see Dictator-For-Life Calvin, with whom you're apparently on a first name basis, yet have never   
been seen with in public, on your here, did you?"  
  
"Why, yes I did! He said he wasn't feeling well, and that we should just go along with this as   
planned. Are you ready, sir?"  
  
"Sure. Let's get it over with." Calvin gave him a sad, desperate look. "I mean, of course! This   
will be a monumentous event in Get Rid Of Slimy girlS history! Let's go!"  
  
And they went.  
  
A/N: A short, pointless chapter while I think of what Stupendous Man should do. Suggestions   
welcome. 


	10. The Mischief

With a stupendous turn of speed unattainable my most mortals, Stupendous Man flew high overhead,   
stealthily taking cover in the magnificent foilage of the tallest trees.  
  
Calvin, cape and cowl poorly disguising his features, hurried between bushes and trees, making slow   
progress to the home of his adversary. He didn't really have a plan yet, but he wasn't about to   
spoil it by getting caught. Approaching the Garringsburg residence, he jumped into a holly plant   
and listened intently for any sign of his neighbors. Let's see... That would be that man (Scott,   
was it?), talking talking to his wife inside. It wasn't an argument, but they both sounded pretty   
darn angry. A loud bump from inside gave away that they were still arranging furniture. He turned   
his attention to another sound, a sort of splashing coming from their backyard. he went around to   
investigate, staying well covered in the shrubbery.  
  
There, right in front of him, were Susie and Gina (were they ever apart?), splashing each other in   
a wading pool. Oh, this was too easy... Stupendous Man flew in for a closer look to see what his   
enemies, the Tyrannic Terror Team were up to. Obviously plotting against him, they broke up their   
meeting and began an vicious argument. He crept around inside their lair until he found the long   
acid sprayer they had been planning to use on him. Quicly figuring out the technology behind it,   
Stupendous Man leaps into the open!  
  
Grabbing up the garden hose, Calvin jumped out of the bush, laughing maniacally. The two girls   
turned in his direction and started laughing themselves.  
  
Calvin had caught his cape on a twig. When he jumped out at them, it snagged, pulling him to the   
ground. The girls took two big handfuls of mud each and started pelting him. That was it. This was   
not just an embarassment for Stupendous Man and G.R.O.S.S. anymore... Now it was personnal. He got   
up, closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, then snapped what had caught him, and aimed the hose. He   
took two steps toward his enemies and tripped over a squeaky dog toy.  
  
Gina, with Susie still laughing and slinging mud at the crimson-caped wonder, tilted the pool and   
lifted. This may not have been the best day for G.R.O.S.S., but she was having the time of her life!  
  
A/N: Okay. that's it. That's the best thing I could come up with for Stupendous Man to do. Don't   
lose faith in Calvin yet, though... Save that for his next defeat. 


End file.
